Saying about going for holiday in my obviously home, in Samarinda, well yes preferrably called as holiday ‘not’ as ‘going home’. My past almost 9 years until last March (middle of) living in Jakarta where I called my home, my life. If the reason only to meet my family for going back home, I said no, my oldest brother has been living in Jakarta till now, my second oldest brother often had his business trip to Jakarta and of course another reason to meet me, my younger brother has been living in Bandung for study, well we met quite more than often, my father before he passed away was frequently visited me with mom. And what the reason I came home? Meet other families? Or others? While when I was home for school break or work break, I preferred to lazily do non particular things, or hanging out if got company or accompanied any other family members to work. Just that.
The real home is the real life.
I once decided not to go home when I got school break, that eventually marked my mind to only need going home once a year.
I once decided not to go home when Idl-Fitr, oh no, twice, that I thought that was normal, cause family came to Jakarta instead.
I often decided not to go home for long period. A week is normal, more than it way too long I thought. Which obviously marked my mind, a week holiday is enough and ready to be back in real life.
Making a U-Turn
At some points I may change cause of condition that set me up to it. I finally made a U turn last March 2015 after my golden free and independent period living alone that thought me details about living a life and living a dream.
The decision to go home, not holiday of course, not for short, undefined lenght of period it may take, enough to letting go some fears and gathering up bravery.
Here I am, trying to settle my heart at a point seemingly is not easy at all. Courageously, trying to settle my career life which no matter what I found it hard to settle, but I am not giving up tho. Like whenever I feel like being at home is my time to be lazy and my holiday time, but it should not be this time. So, waking up every single morning believing I will continue my real life and making money in this very real hometown just make me little bit nervous to handle, I haven’t settled yet. Not yet figuring out what I really want to do.
But my mind gets pretty brilliant, sometimes. I finally can fill my days by doing something interesting, but again is not long last, I easily get bored. Excluding family matter, like helping mom to do business, baby sitting my bro’s first daughter, house chores, I still need my own. I need to settle this, maybe because my life changed so drastically that I have not really planned anything before going back here.
But, I know for sure once I made the decision, I am not turning back until I get what I pursuing right here right now.